You know Lori-Anne, right? Malcolm’s wife, the blonde bimbo who looked forty last week and thirty this week but still tells people she doesn’t use Botox? There’s a laugh if I ever had one. She could do Carnegie Hall with jokes like that.

You would not believe what she put me through!

So, the other day, I was just running a few errands, you know, picked up some KD for the kids and stopped by David Newman’s to get my hair fixed – are you going to David now? He’s good, isn’t he? I’m supposed to stop, what with keeping on a budget and all, but I just can’t feel good if I don’t look good, you know what I mean? As far as Brian knows I got it cut by one of those Barber College kids, so keep that one between you and me, but I mean, God, I wouldn’t even be able to step outside if I let one of those kids butcher my hair.

Continue reading Not That I Even Care →

The lights in the white house were still out when he came back. The driveway was still empty and there wasn’t a single sound coming from inside.

He went up the path to the front door, a black duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. The door was stained oak and it had a small decorative stained glass window at the top, but it used a simple pin and tumble lock. He slid the tension wrench in and when he twisted it to the left there was a little give. He slid the pick in and raked it slowly along the pins. He worked each one carefully until they were all in place and when he turned the tension wrench all the way the door came open.

Continue reading Just Things →